The 'Underwear Rule' in Business. How Your Frankness Undermines Your Career Unnoticeably

In modern culture, openness is often presented as an absolute good. We are advised to be transparent, share our plans, and talk about our failures. However, based on my business experience, I have become convinced that there are areas where silence is not just golden, but a necessary condition for security and success.

Absolute frankness can harm your reputation, destroy a team, or kill an idea in its infancy. Here are five things you should not share with others if you want to maintain effectiveness and authority.

Grandiose Goals and Plans

Sharing large-scale ideas only makes sense if you have one of two motives. The first is to get moral support from someone who sincerely wishes you victory. The second is to attract resources if your interlocutor is a potential investor, partner, or future employee.

If you tell just anyone about your plans, you face serious risks. These include:

• Criticism from skeptics. You will inevitably run into people who will start looking for flaws. Often, these people criticize others simply because they don't believe in their own plans. Their skepticism can strip you of inspiration.
• The illusion of action. When we share an idea, a treacherous psychological feeling arises, as if we have already taken a step towards its realization. But real movement toward a goal happens in the material world, not in words.
• Idea theft. I once shared a new product concept with someone I considered a friend. Later, I was surprised to find his company making clumsy attempts to implement my idea. They did not achieve success because they did not understand the underlying essence, but I concluded that you should only share confidential matters with those who are on your team.

Weaknesses and Doubts

Everyone experiences failures and disappointments. The natural desire in such a situation is to vent, to receive emotional comfort or advice. But here you need to be careful. A person incompetent in your problem, in an attempt to help, may give inadequate advice that introduces even more 'cockroaches' into your head.

The main rule for leaders: never share your doubts with the team.

A leader is a person valued for providing a future, meaning, and predictability. A manager's job is not mathematics with exact formulas. We deal with a multitude of variables and always experience internal doubts. But if you broadcast this uncertainty to your subordinates, you undermine their trust. First, resolve the doubts within yourself, make a decision, and only then go to the people with a ready plan.

As for the currently fashionable public stories about failures. They only have value when you have already lived through the situation, analyzed it, and understood the reasons. Talking about how you created the problem yourself and the conclusions you drew is useful experience, while simple complaints are destructive.

Stages of Internal Transformation

When you are studying something new, changing your worldview, or are in the process of a spiritual search, you are extremely vulnerable. Until the idea or skill has solidified, any careless word from the outside can knock you off track. This can be criticism, or even overly enthusiastic approval.

Let me give an example. I do not have a natural talent for language learning, but I needed to learn English for the company's strategy. Traditional methods did not work. I started studying methodology, came across the work of a 19th-century philosopher, and eventually found my own approach. If, during the search stage, I had started sharing my reflections, people would have told me: "Don't reinvent the wheel, do what everyone else does." I might have given up under the pressure of common opinion.

My advice: reflect in silence. Share only when you have reached a solid result and formed confidence.

Negativity About Other People

Never criticize the character, habits, personal qualities, or physical features of other people. Firstly, it is useless, as you cannot change someone else's nature. Secondly, perception is subjective: someone seems too noisy to you, but to another, they might be the life of the party.

But most importantly, unconstructive criticism ruins your image. When you discuss someone behind their back, listeners subconsciously realize: "This person cannot be trusted; tomorrow they will be talking about me the same way."

For a leader, this is especially destructive. If a manager resorts to personal attacks or shouts, the team stops feeling safe. People see that the leader is not in control of themselves. Often, such outbursts are merely a reaction to our own mistakes. For example, hiring the wrong person while overlooking their shortcomings.

Personal Finances

You should not publicly discuss your income level or the size of your savings. In some cultures, such as the US, this is a taboo comparable to displaying one's underwear. Everyone knows underwear exists, but it's not socially acceptable to show it in public—it looks strange and inappropriate.

Stories about your wealth rarely elicit genuine joy. More often, you will receive envy in response, unfavorable comparison, or a search for flaws. People will try to rationalize your success, looking for what is wrong with you to justify their own position.

It is important to understand that discussing money as a tool, business projects, and ways to earn is normal and constructive. Discussing your personal wallet is not. You should only share financial successes with partners who help you multiply that money and with the family that helps you save it. Be rational in this matter.